Struggling with time away

Let me preface the weird little post I'm about to share by saying: I know how much privilege I have to even write a post like this. This post deals with time off work; a very generous amount - both of which (work and time off) shouldn't be taken for granted.

I'm back to work today after what totaled up to a week off. Cisco has a very generous policy where it "shuts down" the company during the holidays. We all log off and ignore work until it's time to come back. For us, that was December 25th through the 2nd of January.

I didn't do anything with my time off except feel guilty about what I was doing with my time off. If I was doing too much? Or thinking about doing too much? Guilt. I should be relaxing after all. If I didn't do anything, just brain rotting or playing video games? Guilt. I should be making more of my time off after all.

My wife worked every day except Christmas and New Year's Day. So I was just free to putz around by myself, which I've done in the past during each Cisco shutdown. This year felt oddly different, and I'm not sure why.

At any rate, I'm thankful for the time off, but also confused by it and thankful for the time back at work. Brains are funny things, huh?